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STA 2018 KS2 Expected Standard
Piece F — Diary
Year 6 · STA Expected Standard · Leigh
Published exemplification — the same live marking as the product, on government or exam-board material, not a pupil’s book. STA KS2 English writing exemplification. Contains material developed by the Standards and Testing Agency for 2018 national curriculum assessments and licenced under Open Government Licence v3.0.
Published script
Live marked report
Marked against: STA · primary · English Writing
KS2 Writing Assessment
EXS
Working at the Expected Standard
You’ve written an imaginative science-fiction adventure with a strong sense of story and some really engaging ideas. The opening is vivid and the piece shows good ambition in vocabulary and structure, although some sentences and speech punctuation need tightening to make the writing clearer.
Strengths
You create a striking opening straight away: "In 2627 on the planet Zordor" gives the reader an immediate sense of setting and purpose.
You use ambitious vocabulary and descriptive phrases such as "mysterious and multicoloured hole", "surreptitiously", and "magnificent stick".
The story has a clear sequence of events, with dialogue and action that move the plot forward.
You build atmosphere well, especially in the portal and giant scenes.
Areas for Development
Some sentences are awkward or unclear, so the meaning is occasionally hard to follow, for example "The portal, its another dimension" and "feeling ashamed of who she has raised".
Speech punctuation needs more consistent control, especially around commas, inverted commas and sentence endings.
A few verb forms and sentence links need checking so the tense stays steady throughout the piece.
Next Steps
1
Read each paragraph aloud and check that every sentence ends clearly with a full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
2
Revisit direct speech and check where commas, speech marks and capital letters should go.
3
Choose one or two sentences to improve by making them shorter and clearer, while keeping your imaginative ideas.
MetPartially metNot met
Composition
| Can-statement | Status | Evidence |
|---|---|---|
| write effectively for a range of purposes and audiences, selecting language that shows good awareness of the reader | Met | The opening immediately engages the reader with "In 2627 on the planet Zordor" and the adventure narrative is sustained throughout. |
| in narratives, describe settings, characters and atmosphere | Met | The writer describes "the planet Zordor", "the mysterious and multicoloured hole" and "the fearsome, evil, monster-like giant". |
| integrate dialogue in narratives to convey character and advance the action | Met | Dialogue such as "Please fix the droid properly with care" and "I will trade you for this marvellous stick" moves the story on and shows character. |
| use paragraphs to organise ideas | Met | The response is organised into separate sections across the story, helping the reader follow the change from the market, to the portal, to the ending. |
| use a range of devices to build cohesion within and across paragraphs | Met | Cohesive devices such as "Whilst", "Within a few minutes", "Meanwhile", "Suddenly" and "As soon as" help the narrative flow. |
Vocabulary
| Can-statement | Status | Evidence |
|---|---|---|
| select vocabulary and grammatical structures that reflect what the writing requires, doing this mostly appropriately | Met | The writer chooses adventurous words and phrases such as "marvellous stick", "mysterious and multicoloured", "extraordinary dimension" and "magnificent stick". |
| distinguish between the language of speech and writing and choose the appropriate register | Partially met | The piece is mostly written in an adventurous narrative register, but some phrasing is awkward or over-oral, for example "That why would I want a good for nothing" and "What is this sort of something stuck doing down here!!". |
| exercise an assured and conscious control over levels of formality, particularly through manipulating grammar and vocabulary to achieve this | Not met | There is some deliberate style, but the control is not yet secure enough for a greater-depth judgement. |
Grammar and punctuation
| Can-statement | Status | Evidence |
|---|---|---|
| use verb tenses consistently and correctly throughout their writing | Partially met | The main narrative stays in the past tense, but there are slips such as "feeling ashamed of who she has raised" and "where he is to see where he was". |
| use the range of punctuation taught at key stage 2 mostly correctly | Partially met | Direct speech is attempted across the piece, for example "Please fix the droid properly with care," and "Where are you going with that droid boy?", but punctuation is not always secure, as in "The portal, its another dimension,". |
| use capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas for lists and apostrophes for contraction mostly correctly | Partially met | Some punctuation is handled well in speech and dialogue, but there are several places where sentence demarcation and comma use are uneven. |
Spelling
| Can-statement | Status | Evidence |
|---|---|---|
| spell correctly most words from the year 5 / year 6 spelling list | Partially met | Many ambitious spellings are correct, including "mysterious", "multicoloured", "surreptitiously", "extraordinary" and "magnificent". |
| use a dictionary to check the spelling of uncommon or more ambitious vocabulary | Not met | There is not enough evidence in the response to show dictionary use. |
Handwriting
| Can-statement | Status | Evidence |
|---|---|---|
| Handwriting (assessed from the original work) | Met | Neat letters with some uneven spacing and size.; Neat letters with some uneven spacing and size.; Neat letters with some uneven spacing and size.; Slanted letters with inconsistent spacing and size. |
Grammar, Punctuation & Spelling security assessment
Sentence structure
Varied sentence openings and complex sentences
Mostly secure
“Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet”
“Within a few minutes he was already at the start of the alleyway which led to the market”
“As soon as the man gave Jack the stick, he was home before he could even breathe”
The writing uses a range of sentence beginnings and includes subordinate clauses and time shifts.
Punctuation
Direct speech and inverted commas
Mostly secure
“"Please fix the droid properly with care," his mother begged.”
“"Where are you going with that droid boy?" asked the curious old man.”
“"I intend to sell it at the market Sir," Jack said”
Dialogue is frequent and usually clearly marked with speech punctuation.
Sentence demarcation and internal punctuation
Emerging
“"The portal, its another dimension," actually came out of the old man's mouth”
“"Jack Jack... ahh gold, we are rich!"”
“What is this sort of something stuck doing down here!!”
There are some clear attempts at punctuation, but sentence boundaries and internal punctuation are not yet consistently controlled.
Vocabulary
Ambitious and precise vocabulary
Mostly secure
“a mysterious and multicoloured hole in the wall”
“surreptitiously, he typed in the code”
“the magnificent stick”
“This dimension is amazing”
The writer uses adventurous and descriptive vocabulary to build the science-fiction setting.
Grammar
Tense control and verb forms
Mostly secure
“he was shouted at again”
“Mother slumped into her seat feeling ashamed of who she has raised”
“he had already been sucked up by the force of the stick”
The narrative is mainly in the past tense, with occasional slips in verb form and agreement.
Spelling
Year 5/6 and ambitious spellings
Mostly secure
“mysterious”
“multicoloured”
“surreptitiously”
“extraordinary”
“hologram”
Many ambitious words are spelled correctly, with only some inconsistencies elsewhere.
Student's original text with teacher annotations highlighted
Imaginative science-fiction narrative with a strong opening and a clear sequence of events. Vocabulary is ambitious, but some sentences are awkward and speech punctuation is not yet fully secure.